Internal Battle (Part 4)

So I was once again back in my childhood bedroom.  Everything was a horrendous pastel pink.  Yes, at one stage of my life, I did adore that pink but not after I had been away for 8 years and now in my mid-20s.  The colour made me sick.  The room was small and claustrophobic.  What was even worse was my parents’ room was right next to mine!  I could even hear their conversation.  Not good.  I needed to get out.  I needed my own place.

As a precaution, my parents bought a little apartment for me just in case I could not live with them.  Actually, they knew I could not live with them and the apartment was a compensation for my unplanned early return.   However, the apartment needed to be renovated and I could not move in immediately.  So, I was stuck in the gustly pastel pink room for a while.  Four months, to be precised.

I started working for them almost immediately and that was a mistake.  I should have bummed around for a bit first, experienced the life of a pure bummer.  Instead, I threw myself completely into work, working all odd hours and holidays.  My first year of work was hell.  I worked 7 days a week , 365 days a year with only 4 days of official break.  I was exhausted at the end of the year.  Strangely, it did not bother my parents at all with the hours I put in.  Perhaps to them, that was my responsibility and I was supposed to put in those hours.  At times I truly wondered, are they even humans?

Meanwhile, the co-habitation was really getting on my nerves.  I practically saw them 24/7!  Not long after I returned, I started hanging out with a bunch of new friends.  Some of them just returned from studying abroad as well.  We got along really well.  Young, restless and wreckless.  I went out with every oppotunity that I got, just to create some distance between myself and my parents.  Of course they weren’t very happy with my late night expeditions but I couldn’t just stay at home and watched WLT with them!  I had long lost all interest in the Chinese entertainment industry.

The four months that I was living with them felt more like 40 years!   Not only I was suddenly shipped home, I had to work like a dog, constantly  being subjected to my parents scrutiny, getting told off all the time about my lifestyle, had to hide to smoke, basically a total lost of FREEDOM.  I was almost possessed by madness!  The anger that I felt was relentless, persistent and unfaltering.  With the passing of each day, my anger grew stronger and wilder.  Week after week without fail, I had several arguments with my parents.  I was partially blaming them for my return although truth to be told, it had nothing to do with them.  However, I was young and full of unfinished desire.  It was easier to blame on others than to see the truth.  Self denial.

The once peaceful home was stirred by my erratic outbursts.  My parents began to think maybe I should have never returned and I just couldn’t stop yearning for my freedom.  Then the day arrived for me to move out…


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